My day, in reverse

"They're trying to steal my building."

Most of my funniest lines are delivered unintentionally, or else drunkenly. As I had not yet fixed my evening's first gin and tonic, we'll have to go with the assumption that this statement was a result of the former, not the latter. Inspiration not withstanding, both my husband and our housemate chuckled at this statement.

"I'm serious! They're...trying to steal my building!" I was getting more and more disgruntled, the more I thought about it. "Seriously? One day, I'm going to, like, come to work. And there won't be any building left!"

It started last autumn, you see. One day (or, more likely, night) a desperate (enterprising?) thief came along and stole a statue from outside our building. The statue was made of a pretty valuable type of  material. It was never recovered.

And then, this year--this month, actually--on a very hot day (or, more likely, night) a desperate (fine, enterprising) thief came along and stole a part of our building. Like, stole a part of our building. I won't say what exactly the thief stole, because if I were to do that, you'd Google it and then you'd know where I work and then the jig would be up, wouldn't it?

And then, this month--this day, actually--we (okay, not me, let's be honest, when do I ever go outside if I can help it?) discovered some evidence of attempted theft--this time, metal plaques. (Seriously, what is it with the metal? What's next, tooth fillings?) It would be comic if it were happening to some other library, but because it's happening to us, it's not funny. It's frustrating and alarming and sad. And...are they really stealing the building out from under our noses? I swear I saw something like this on Looney Tunes once. I think they used Acme products. And hey! We DO have roadrunnners!

So at the end of the day, after stopping by the store for two bottles of diet tonic water, and two limes, I came home, exhausted and hot and defeated. "Let me tell you about my day..."