Balls to the Wall

And then, just like that, things change again.

Yesterday, our Senior Librarian called the "underling" (non-management) full-timers into her office. She was about bursting the news: at the end of September, she's leaving for a new job, with lots of responsibilities and potential. So, soon we'll be down another person.

It's hard not to be pleased for her, when I saw how excited she was by the prospect of new work, new colleagues, new potential. And I am pleased for her. But dismayed, too--immediately I began thinking of all the work our Senior Librarian does, and how the Powers That Be probably won't replace her, but will rather simply re-distribute all of her work and responsibilities. I began thinking of the events and Saturdays and closing duties that will  need to be distributed among only three librarians. And I began thinking about, how, once more, I am the one still here. Staying put.

Silly, I know. My Senior Librarian leaves, and I have some sort of existential angsty fit of questioning myself and my life choices. It's not about me. But then, I think it's good for me to take time to assess my own career and work from time to time, and what better time to do it than when others in my workplace move upwards and onwards? I did it when the Boss Lady retired last year, and after a little adjusting and a lot of Prozac, I managed. I kicked my own ass into gear. So maybe I'll do the same thing this time around, too.

The last 24 hours, I've spent thinking, thinking, thinking. And the only conclusion I can come to is this: for now, and for the foreseeable future, I am here at this job, in this position-- the same job and position I have held for 6 years. I've no prospects for upwards advancement, I don't have much of a voice in the planning and administration of the Library, and I've hit my maximum pay. But I haven't hit the maximum of the work I can do, the talents I can cultivate, the ways I can support my bosses, and the help I can give to the public.

There are going to be some stressful, probably frustrating months ahead. But I have it within myself to tap into more productivity, more cheer, more patience; I have it within me to be the worker my bosses and community need as we start through this transitory time. I have it within me to refuse to think of myself and my non-traditional career track as not a disappointment, but rather a dedication of the strengths I know I have in abundance.

It's a challenge, sure, but somehow, I think careers are built up from challenges. Opportunities, too. So that's how I am gonna look at it. There's just no other way.