Nothing That Hasn't Been Said Before

"Well I guess I could have stayed ashore, I didn't have to go
They say sometimes to find yourself, you've got to let go..."

For the most part, I’m not one to follow the shenanigans and lives of celebrities. There are lots of reasons for this, but what it boils down to is this: I’m too damned busy to think very much about these people, and these people would certainly be a lot better off if more of the public just left them alone and let their private lives be.

But it’s not as though I live under a rock. I like stories about celebrities being decent, or funny, or courageous humans, and I’m vaguely aware of the various goings-on that the media reports. And I’m certainly aware of Robin Williams and his recent suicide. Mr. Melissa awoke me from a nap yesterday to tell me this. I dimly recall mumbling, “Well, maybe this will contribute to the dialogue on depression and mental health.” And then I went back to sleep.

And of course, there has been plenty of discussion in the news and social media outlets about depression and suicide and mental health issues. There’s the usual banal statement of “Suicide is so selfish”, of course…more and more I am of the opinion that the selfish thing is to expect a suicidal person stick around and suffer so that the “survivors” feel less sad. But there’s a lot of discussion beyond that, too.

The thing is…I’ve yet to read an article in which depressed people really illustrate what depression is like. I know, because, duh, I struggle with depression, and I nod along with the descriptions of isolation and suffocation and loneliness and the analogies of battles and black holes and prisons. I’ve resorted to some of those analogies, myself. But somehow—while these words describe the state of depression, they don’t quite describe the feeling.

I’m becoming more and more convinced that the words to describe the feeling of deep depression do not exist in any human language. Mr. Williams, may you be in a place where someone understands that language—or better yet, may you be in a place where no one understands it, because it no longer exists.

And the water's cold around me now, so far below
And I hear a voice inside me now, "Just try to let go..."

-The Greencards, "Ocean Floor"