What I Meant Was...

Patron to SuperMom Librarian: "I'm looking for a book by Gail Tsukiyama. It's called A Hundred Flowers."

SuperMom Librarian, after a moment: "I'm having a hard time finding A Hundred Flowers...Are you sure that that's the title?"

Patron: "Yes!"

Me, unable to stop myself from jumping in: "I think you're looking for Street of a Thousand Blossoms."

Overheard on the Reference Desk, Entry 2

The patron: "I need to renew my teaching credentials from the State of ___ . But I don't know how to use a computer. At all. I'm very different, I'm a psychic, and I don't use computers. Is there anyone I can pay to do this work for me? I'm a very special person, a victim of incest, and so I've never used a computer."

The librarian (not me): "...............???"

Right then was one of those times when I swear to god someone hires people to come in and try to punk us.

Shit my Patrons Say

(The Scene: Reference desk, around noon. Patron is signing in to use one of our study rooms. He glances up at me, does a double-take.)

Patron: Wow. This is it the first time I've seen you looking pretty.

Me: (after a cold silence) Thanks.

Patron: I don't express myself very diplomatically.

Overheard on the Reference Desk, Summer 2013

"They're coming for you, Snowden!"

(This was said to my colleague "Papa Bear", uttered by one of our more colorful patrons. In Snowden's Papa Bear's defense, he does maybe bear the tiniest resemblance to Snowden. In that they are both geeky white males under 40. Otherwise, it's a stretch. But amusing, at least if you're me. Alarming, if you are Papa Bear.)